You’re watching your favorite program, but you can’t keep your eyes open. You decide to listen to your body and go to bed. You fall right to sleep, then wake up in the middle of the night. And for some reason, your brain decides now would be a good time to go over a conversation you had two days ago.
Sometimes you wake up and go right back to sleep. Other nights, you lie there for a while and feel it the next day. If that keeps happening, think about the first thing you noticed when you woke up. Were you hot? Did something hurt? Were you already thinking about everything you had to do tomorrow? That’s where I’d start. [1]
What did you notice when you woke up?
If you woke up hot or sweaty, try keeping a lighter blanket nearby so you can switch covers without getting out of bed. If you share a bed and one of you is always kicking the covers off, it might help to each have your own blanket. Night sweats can happen during perimenopause. If your periods have been changing, too, you might recognize some of what you’re going through in Could This Be Perimenopause?. [2, 3]
Maybe you woke up thinking about something you need to do tomorrow. If you’re worried you’ll forget it, jot it down. “Call the dentist” is plenty. If your mind has been just as busy during the day, you might want to read When Stress Feels Harder to Handle in Midlife.
And sometimes you wake up and have no idea why. In the morning, write down whatever you remember. About how long were you awake? How did you feel when you got up for the day? A rough guess is fine. I made a free, printable sleep diary if you’d like a place to keep those notes for a week. You can also bring it to an appointment if you want to talk through what you’ve noticed. [1]
Download the Nurture & Thrive Sleep Diary (PDF)
Could that afternoon coffee be part of it?
After a rough night, that afternoon cup of coffee can feel like just what you need. And even if you fall asleep easily, caffeine can still make a difference later in the night. A review of caffeine studies found that people spent more time awake after falling asleep. If you usually have coffee, caffeinated tea, or an energy drink later in the day, try having it earlier. If you look forward to the afternoon break, you can keep it and have decaf. [4]
It’s worth paying attention to how you sleep after an evening drink, too. Alcohol can make you feel sleepy, and it can change the way you sleep. If you drink occasionally, see how you feel the morning after an evening when you skip it. It’s easier to see what makes a difference when you change one thing at a time. [3, 5]
What if you can’t get back to sleep?
If you’re comfortable and still feel sleepy, give yourself a little time. But if you’ve been lying there getting more frustrated, it might help to get up for a bit, if you can do so safely. Turn on enough light to see where you’re going, settle into a comfortable chair, and read a few pages of something you can easily put down. When your eyes start to feel heavy again, head back to bed. [3]
When you spend a lot of nights lying awake and feeling frustrated, it’s easy to start expecting more of the same when you get into bed. Getting up for a bit and going back when you’re sleepy can help your brain connect bed with sleep again. Let how you feel guide you, and give yourself a break from checking the time. [3, 6]
When to bring it up with your healthcare provider
If you keep waking up at night and it’s making your days harder, tell your healthcare provider what’s been happening. Let them know if you wake up gasping, if someone’s noticed you stop breathing in your sleep, or if you’re often very sleepy during the day. In women, sleep apnea can also show up as waking up often, feeling worn out, or getting morning headaches. Ask whether it makes sense to have your sleep checked. [1, 7]
If you’ve been dealing with insomnia for a while, you can also ask about cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, or CBT-I. It helps you work on the habits and worries that can make it hard to sleep. In one study of women with hot flashes and sleep trouble during or after the menopause transition, those who received CBT-I over the phone said they spent less time awake during the night than women who received menopause education. [6, 8]
If you wake up tonight, you can leave the note-taking for morning. One line over breakfast is enough to get started. And if all you can remember is “I was up again, and I’m exhausted,” that’s worth writing down, too.